I try to keep this journal as positive and creativity-focused as I can, but I get bogged down in the day-to-day drudgery of life sometimes and I can’t bring myself to be a cheerleader.
I honestly believe that humans are not meant to be living the kinds of lives that we live now. Everything that should be important is felt an inconvenience, but what society currently labels as important should be at the bottom of our priorities. We’re all rats in a maze, and I’m struggling so hard to get out of the maze and into a healthier life, where I don’t have to juggle the most vital parts of my existence. And to keep on my struggle, I have to maintain hope that change can happen. It might not happen the way I imagine it will, but something has got to give, and it’s got to give soon. Sometimes hope is really hard to find, though. Sometimes I’m too tired from lack of sleep, or my day job is just a little too hard, or there’s just one more backhanded comment from a “well-meaning” friend or relative, and I get cranky and lost because I know my buttress is starting to fall. And once that happens, self doubt and negativity comes sliding insidiously in.
But a new day happens, and I find whispers on the wind. I see the beauty of my son and the dream for a better future, and I lean against my husband, and I start rebuilding my hope. Because I have to. I refuse to give up and let the status quo win out against me. And if that means I struggle until the day I die to chase my dream life, then so be it.
And wow, I think I mixed a lot of metaphors in this post. Oh well. I just wanted to be honest with you all and admit that I am not all sunshine and cream. My art and writing would probably be fairly boring if I was.