At a Loss for Words

I try to keep this journal as positive and creativity-focused as I can, but I get bogged down in the day-to-day drudgery of life sometimes and I can’t bring myself to be a cheerleader.

I honestly believe that humans are not meant to be living the kinds of lives that we live now.  Everything that should be important is felt an inconvenience, but what society currently labels as important should be at the bottom of our priorities.  We’re all rats in a maze, and I’m struggling so hard to get out of the maze and into a healthier life, where I don’t have to juggle the most vital parts of my existence.  And to keep on my struggle, I have to maintain hope that change can happen. It might not happen the way I imagine it will, but something has got to give, and it’s got to give soon.  Sometimes hope is really hard to find, though.  Sometimes I’m too tired from lack of sleep, or my day job is just a little too hard, or there’s just one more backhanded comment from a “well-meaning” friend or relative, and I get cranky and lost because I know my buttress is starting to fall.  And once that happens, self doubt and negativity comes sliding insidiously in.

But a new day happens, and I find whispers on the wind.  I see the beauty of my son and the dream for a better future, and I lean against my husband, and I start rebuilding my hope.  Because I have to.  I refuse to give up and let the status quo win out against me.  And if that means I struggle until the day I die to chase my dream life, then so be it.

And wow, I think I mixed a lot of metaphors in this post.  Oh well.  I just wanted to be honest with you all and admit that I am not all sunshine and cream.  My art and writing would probably be fairly boring if I was.


4 thoughts on “At a Loss for Words

  1. Hi Kat, thanks for this post. This particularly speaks to me right now. I am up in the middle of the night, can’t sleep, health problems and all I can think is, I just want the ride to stop so I can get off. My life is too busy, too many obligations, no time to nurture me, no time to truly take care of my health or do the things I want to do, the creative things, the dreams. I always have something to do or somewhere to be and no time to take care of what mattes. I think honestly it’s destroying me. But I can’t see any escape. If you stop your day job there goes the health insurance, money etc. And if you don’t stop the cycle, say goodbye to your health or feeling good. It’s truly horrible. We’re caught in this circle from which we can’t escape. It makes me quite depressed. I wish there was an answer.

  2. It’s hard to break out from established habits and busy cycles. Sometimes there seems to be no easy or obvious way round some of the stuff we ladies have to do. May be a change of mind set could make some of the jobs more bearable. I know it can work because it has helped me manage teenagers, work, and keeping house etc etc. and it didnt cost me anything in the process. Dont be hard on yourself.
    Where an I going with this comment you might well ask………….. I’m a debut author, I’ve written a book, which I hope might make people like you and me feel better about ourselves and with our lot. No hard sell, I wont come back and haunt you or anything like, all I am asking of you if you happen to read it, or some of it, that you let me know what you think. And if you don’t I wont know anyway. There is a free pdf version available until the 21/12/12 if your interested. ………………..What have you got to lose? Wishing you a great Christmas.

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