I’ve returned from my self-inflicted Internet hiatus. It lasted a little longer than I originally anticipated but hopefully I didn’t lose too many of the readers I had started to gain.
I have to say that 2012 was not the year of fulfilled hopes and dreams that I thought it would be, but if I am honest to myself, those wishes were unrealistic given the current reality of my life situation.
But what have I accomplished this year towards my goals? I was a good mother to my son, meeting all of his physical and emotional needs. I continued to lose the weight I had gained during pregnancy plus 10 pounds without crash dieting or overexercising. I’ve put back on a couple of pounds since Halloween (too much candy and baked goods at work and I was too stressed to say “no”!) but I will soon lose that now that the temptation has been removed. I’ve completed a first draft of a book and will be releasing two books in the near future. I attempted a business venture with my husband that ended up costing us money, but we learned so much for the coming year from that experience. And I generally continued to grow as a person. I feel like I left some of my last bits of childishness behind this year, that I’m finally able to be more accepting of mine and others’ supposed failures.
Perhaps the sign of biggest change in me this year – each year since 2008 has been challenging and difficult in various ways, and the past several years on New Year’s Eve, I’ve looked forward to the next year with hope but also a kind of “You owe me this year, Universe” attitude. This year, at thirty years old, I can finally see that the universe doesn’t owe me anything in reciprocation for the hard times and stresses I’ve faced. Everything that I’ve experienced, both wonderful and horrible, has contributed to making me who I am today, and nobody owes me anything to make up for the past.
I’ve stopped making any kind of list of resolutions in recent years but instead try to choose one thing to focus on. A couple of years ago, it was to start cherishing myself better. The following year was focused on childbirth and motherhood. Last year, it was to learn to take things as they come and be more accepting of life and to take pleasure in the small moments. This year, instead of looking for payment due from Fate, I want to see what I can give back to the Universe.
I hope 2013 is one that sees an advance for the human race, that we can start focusing on creation instead of destruction, celebrate life instead of causing death, and that we all have the strength to be honest with ourselves and others. Happy New Year to all of you.