Starting in 2010, I stopped drawing up a list of resolutions. Instead, I chose one major self-improvement/growth task for myself to work on, knowing that several small changes would come about simply by focusing on one big change. That first year, it was to learn to cherish myself, something I had neglected for a long time (possibly my entire life). The next year, my focus was on childbirth and being the mother I most wanted to be. The next, I focused on finding joy in the small moments and accepting life for what it is. Last year, I focused on what I could give back to the world, in both small and big ways.
This year, I want to learn to move through life, not without fear, but despite fear, both professionally and personally. See, although I project confidence, inside I can be cripplingly shy and unsure. My abhorrence of being annoying keeps me from joining in conversations at times, even when I know I can add something to it. But I’ve recently realized how much my fear has held me back in my life. Professionally, I sometimes expect my work to stand on it’s own, rather than engaging and sharing my own passion for the projects. Personally, I know that I have missed or delayed the opportunity to form potentially lifelong friendships. When I open up enough to actually converse with people, when I ask the right questions and engage them in conversation, I can learn their stories. And I find them frequently fascinating! So, rather than be afraid that I’m annoying someone, I have to trust that they might in fact find me a little fascinating too. I know that I won’t be able to entirely rid myself of my fear, but I will learn to move around it.
This, of necessity, means tapping into a more aggressive part of my personality than I’ve let out in many years, and that means that this year will also be one of finding balance between the strong/aggressive side and the soft/nurturing side of my personality.
For me, 2013 was a year of transition, of finally ridding myself of the fear of poverty, of finding myself again. This coming year will be one of finding my balance and focus.
I wish you all luck on your journey through 2014, whichever roads you choose to travel.