I read this rather beautiful essay by Umair Haque entitled Youtopia last week, and I’ve kind of been mulling it over off and on ever since. We really are searching for ways to authenticate ourselves and our individuality by giving in to the game that society has us playing. We’re looking for meaning in our lives while sometimes we’re barely able to lift our head to acknowledge that there are other lives doing exactly the same around us. We’re all looking to create and sell a public self that is unique and vital and often so far from what we actually feel. We have a difficult time experiencing the here and now because we’re all already concerned with how many likes or comments a post will get. And it’s sad.
I am someone who firmly believes in the practice of true self-love and self-nurturing because you have to take care of yourself before you can then have the strength to care about others. But you can’t let self-love become narcissistic and shallow because then you never reach the stage where you are giving back. In thinking about this, I kind of envision it like a prism, where each individual is channeling very focused energy in and then refracting it out to spread out over others.
I don’t know if I’m phrasing this the way I mean to. I’m feeling a little stuck communicating how I feel lately, like thoughts are only half-formed in my brain or they aren’t able to be shared. It’s unusual and frustrating for me to be unable to put words to thoughts and feelings. So I’m attempting to work through it and get back on a regular schedule with this blog despite the complications. I never promised anything beyond my own Truth here anyway, but thanks for sticking with me thus far.