I finished my enormous project that I was stressing about. It went really well, thankfully, even with the stress. I managed to not make myself sick, although I did end up losing another few pounds, causing my husband to threaten me with an office job if I don’t start taking better care of myself on these projects. It was just a lot to deal with, to wrap my head around, and to logistically bring to a physical reality. But I managed to do it with only one really late night, and when the situation got it’s craziest, I kept my sense of humor.
It was strange working on a creative project that dealt with racism while race has been brought to the forefront of America’s mind, much to the displeasure of many white people. To feel myself exhausted and stressed and buried in work and still fully present in so important an issue… I haven’t really words to describe it beyond saying it felt like a profound place to be.
Along with dealing with the many thoughts and theories and emotions surrounding the project itself and the greater societal issues, life decided to throw two major past personal problems in my face when I was at my most exhausted and stressed, I guess as a test of whether or not I had learned some of the lessons I needed to learn. And I did. I passed the tests with flying colors, which means I’ve dealt with SO MUCH of the my teenage baggage, which is this huge affirmation towards my personal growth. I was annoyed that the tests came when I was so exhausted, but what better time to really know, right?
Anyway, this is the first time in a long time I’ve finished a project of any size and felt energized to jump right back into other creative work. I’ve let myself rest the past couple of days and spent loads of time just cuddling and playing with my son, but I’ve also penciled three small paintings, dove back into writing, and started the early work on my next project for my company I’m working for. This one in January will be my last extra project until summer, which I am actually looking forward to. It means I will have time this spring with my son, to focus on my freelance and personal creative projects, and maybe even to take on some extra projects with outside companies. I have my next voice lesson this week. And I’m eating calorie-dense foods and slowly getting back into my exercise and meditation routine. All good things. And I’m excited to share some of what I’m working on with you in the coming weeks.