I am wary of women who love feeling pregnant, much in the same way as I am wary of those who are able to orgasm during labor. Tons of respect toward both groups, but also a sense of “what the heck is wrong with you?”.
While I experience some moments of pleasure in feeling the children I carry move within me, and while many aspects of the process are interesting because I find our bodies fascinating in what they can accomplish, the process of being pregnant is not one I greatly enjoy. My first pregnancy, I had huge patches of itchy, scaly psoriasis flare-ups covering my abdomen and back and hands, and terrible bloody noses all winter from the inflammation I was suffering. This pregnancy, I’ve been very short towards my loved ones without meaning to be, suffered several months of an almost robotic-like absence of emotions, and because my job is so physically demanding, have had some pretty bad aches and pains throughout. And my not-yet-arrived daughter has been incredibly active the entire time, which can lead to some not quite pleasant sensations. Not to mention the typical pregnancy issues that I’ll spare you all. And I consider that I’ve had it easy compared to many of my friends.
But pregnancy is a means to an end. A cute and cuddly end. So I will deal with being short of breath and tired and cranky, and thankfully my husband is so far putting up with me being so as well. I was talking with my son about how I couldn’t do certain things now because the baby has gotten so big, and he said “Mommy will be back to normal soon” and I laughed and responded “I sure hope so, sweetie,” while thinking that ‘normal’ is a relative term for me. For now, I feel like an overripe piece of fruit, ready to burst at any moment, and dealing as best I can.
Anyway, I know I haven’t been posting much here lately, and I don’t know if that will change going forward into this first year of being a mom of two and still trying to create good projects. But I’ll make the effort when I can. And as I slowly start returning to what passes for normal for me, I will do what I can to grow this site a bit more.