Anxiety in My Art

I have noticed that I have a lot of anxiety over a blank canvas lately, and this is not a metaphor. When it comes time to commit putting my ideas and sketches down onto what will be the final work, I have to fight fairly severe anxiety. Do any of you experience this?

It’s something I don’t ever experience when cutting out a sewing project or writing, though it is a little bit present when I write music. It’s my inner critic not letting myself create. Probably because I haven’t had very much time to create in recent years.

However, it also factors very heavily in my renderings for my costume design work, and I know that is directly the result of still dealing with issues from my working myself sick a couple of years ago and parting ways with the theater company I was with. Almost a PTSD-anxiety situation, and yet I am forcing myself now to do my first huge show since that one. And this time I actually have decent help to make the show happen. But when it came time to commit to putting stuff on paper, it was nerve-wracking. The whole process was supposed to be fun, and it wasn’t. Once I got out of my own way, I started having fun with it, but it was a week of torture. And I really don’t want to be a “tortured” artist. Life’s too short for that. So I will continue to work on that.

5 thoughts on “Anxiety in My Art

  1. I’ve had that happen – the anxiety connected with acting, which is directly related to being involved in a play while being gaslighted, manipulated and other toxic and traumatic issues going on at the same time.

    It’s taken about six or seven years, but I’ve been able to do a couple of shows without having the attendant anxiety. The hardest part is actually doing, but the more you push past it, the easier it will get and that anxiety will loosen its hold.

    You’ve got this!!

    • Thank you! Yes, that’s what I feel – if I just push through, I can work with people that do value my work and don’t create a toxic environment. My life shouldn’t be ruined because of other people. :-p

      I know healing takes time, but I am impatient.

      • You are not the only one to be impatient about things that take time. Since January of last year, I’ve been getting two messages from the universe – time will tell and patience.

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