Life’s Not Letting Me Off the Hook

I applied for a position that I thought was a shoe-in at a local theater company that I previously had worked with. I was over-qualified for it in many ways, but it would have given us a stable income again which would have come in handy. And I would have learnt a lot and been part of a group of like-minded people for the first time in a while. But I was passed over, which was a blow to my ego for a few days.

I didn’t want the job, really, beyond the stability. I want what I’m doing now, spending time with the kids and freelancing and trying to carve out the creative time wherever I can. I’m making okay money with the freelancing now, though I had a gap of six weeks with only a couple tiny jobs which was scary. But I know I can build it. And I loved having that time with the children without any deadlines looming, if I’m honest with myself. I don’t want to be trapped working regular hours anymore. It’s something I’ve been saying for years I’ve wanted, and life is not letting me off the hook this time. I’m being given the opportunity to sink or swim, and so I’m swimming. I’ve laid the groundwork for a lot of Big Ideas, and now I have to put those into action.

It has been difficult for me to find time to post here and do the work I like posting here. I’ve had a little bit of creative blockage in this adjustment period, and I’ve been letting myself be dragged down by the world’s woes and by financial stress. But I’m finally ready to go. As I’ve written in the past, the autumn is really my time to be extremely productive. So we shall see what happens.

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