I have noticed that I have a lot of anxiety over a blank canvas lately, and this is not a metaphor. When it comes time to commit putting my ideas and sketches down onto what will be the final work, I have to fight fairly severe anxiety. Do any of you experience this?
It’s something I don’t ever experience when cutting out a sewing project or writing, though it is a little bit present when I write music. It’s my inner critic not letting myself create. Probably because I haven’t had very much time to create in recent years.
However, it also factors very heavily in my renderings for my costume design work, and I know that is directly the result of still dealing with issues from my working myself sick a couple of years ago and parting ways with the theater company I was with. Almost a PTSD-anxiety situation, and yet I am forcing myself now to do my first huge show since that one. And this time I actually have decent help to make the show happen. But when it came time to commit to putting stuff on paper, it was nerve-wracking. The whole process was supposed to be fun, and it wasn’t. Once I got out of my own way, I started having fun with it, but it was a week of torture. And I really don’t want to be a “tortured” artist. Life’s too short for that. So I will continue to work on that.