Tomorrow is my last day working as a seamstress full-time at the bridal shop. I feel both excited and nervous taking such a big leap into freelancing, but it is time.
I am taking a week off, then have two costume freelance gigs back to back (with a little overlap), so I am set til spring, and I left it with the shop that I may come back and freelance with them in the busy season. I also hope to open two small online shops when my 2nd contract is done. February is going to be a crazy schedule, then things should settle down and give me lots more time and flexibility. Time with my family. Time to create.
It is funny… when my son was about this age was when I quit my office job and moved cities. Both times things just happened organically, but I still needed to make that choice to leap. Which is so empowering to do.
And yet, I’m still so tired. My daughter started working on another molar this week, I feel so drained and sore, and this morning as I was getting things ready for the day I could clearly see and hear an aspect of myself crying and whining “But it’s all so haaaaard. ” And it is hard, so I need to pat that inner self on the head, give myself a little time to relax and play and hopefully sleep, then finally emerge into this next stage of my life. It is time.
I’ve been noticing this for a while… it is really difficult to operate as a human being in our society. For many reasons, but mostly because I think almost all of us have lost the ability to guide ourselves and trust that we’re making the right decisions. And because of the corporations and entities out there that prey on that disconnection.
We should not feel the need to justify our choices to anyone but ourselves and perhaps our family units because we should be making choices that are truly for our best and the best of that unit. But we’ve got this constant pulling between what we want short-term and what we need, at all levels, and we’ve got a constant stream of “not-good-enough’s” being shoved down our throats. And it’s from big decisions like what kind of job to take to small ones like what brand of clothing you buy. Or how we’re able to interact with one another. And because we’re insecure, we cling to articles and memes that support our viewpoint, post them on our social networks, and then make the people on our feeds who think differently feel bad about their choices. And that’s how the spiral of crazy starts on the Internet, I think.
By all means, if you find it helpful to finally identify as an extroverted introvert or believe your horoscope fits you exactly (and it is scary how accurate that can be when you factor in a full birthchart) or you find a belief system that is 100% something you want to integrate in your life, then use what you learn as tools for helping you make choices that are truly in your best interest to navigate this world. Don’t use the information as a means of putting down other’s choices or as an excuse to not grow as a person because “that’s just the way you are and always will be”.
It is extremely difficult to align yourself back up with your inner compass because society to a large extent really doesn’t want that to happen. But it is a vital and worthwhile self-improvement task to work towards.