I’m going to be full-time gainfully employed again with my current employer. They offered, and I have decided to accept. Which is great in lots of ways. But also means that I’m going to have even less time for the work I do here, so that made me start wondering two things.
First, I started questioning whether I should even be bothering attempting the personal projects or with this blog anymore. I have a job that is creatively fulfilling and time consuming and has the added stress (and challenge and fun) of being in charge of a lot. But I will always slowly chip away at my writing and art and music, and while my job is creatively fulfilling, it does not feel as necessary to me as the work I do here. So I may as well push forward with this, even knowing it will never ever be as quickly as I want it to be. And to kind of cement the idea in my head, I finally began setting up a gallery at Fine Art America to push my art out to a larger audience, and I forced myself to charge what other artists were recommending verses the paltry price that I was thinking of charging for myself. It will be a while until I finish setting everything up, but once I do, I’ll get around to fixing the art section here on this site. That’s the way I banish the “why should I bother’s” and “I’ll never be good enough’s”… push myself past my comfort zone.
The other thing I started thinking about was when to cross my two working relationships over. I know eventually I want to tell everyone who knows me about the work I do here under this name, not just a select few. And I suppose eventually I’ll share the work I do under my real name on this blog. I still feel like I want to hold off though. There’s the vanity issue, of course, of wanting to wait until I have a big announcement to casually drop “Oh, by the way, I’ve been doing work under the Kat Micari name for years and I’m doing fill in the blank so check it out.” Then there’s the issue of having signed a contract when I worked with the brokerage firm to update a certain government agency every time I move for three years after leaving that job, and part of me wants to wait until a few months after I move again or until after the three years are up (whichever comes first) so I don’t have everything that I’ve done under the Kat Micari come up under the random search that I’m sure will be done after the paperwork is filed. Not that I’ve made it especially a secret, as far as using the same SSN to get paid and file taxes and such, and not that I feel like any of my creative work is something to be ashamed of, but I just don’t like drawing attention to myself. And that’s a little more protective than I need to be, but there you go.
Anyway, it’s a strange fork in the road right now, one that I didn’t imagine being at two years ago. Everyone keeps telling me how excited they are for me and how lucky I am, which I suppose I am, but it’s also really a lot of work so I don’t always know how to respond to them. The luck piece of it is there, but the hours and physical and mental labor seem lessened when people talk too much about the luck piece, not to mention the years of training and the sacrifices I’ve made along the way. And while it is really exciting to be helping to build something from the ground up and to be well-compensated for it (in comparison to the rest of the industry), I’m finding that it is also a big pain to be in charge of other people directly and to have so much depending on things that I’m not in control of but still responsible for. At least as a freelancer, the only person I have to depend on is myself. Well, we’ll see what happens. It will certainly be interesting to witness how the next several years unfold. I’m going to try to continue updating twice a week here but forgive myself when it slips to once a week occasionally, and just keep pushing ahead on all fronts as much as I’m able to.