I have had to do a lot of healing and reflection this year, and I wanted to share one of the tools I used to lift myself out of the funk of being in recovery mode so maybe you can test it out in areas of your life to see if it helps you.
One of the down sides to getting fired after working myself ill and being on unemployment was really feeling an overall feeling of “lack” – lack of funds, lack of health and vitality and energy to do what I want, lack of social contact/loneliness, etc. I was doing the self-care I needed but couldn’t muster my usual motivation and inspiration and drive.
So what was my trick to get over this? Here it is: anywhere I felt a lacking in my life, I would find a way to give that to others. Easy to say but a tad difficult at times to put into practice, so I’ll give examples.
With my monetary lack, I had to find some way to give something materially without costing us in the process. So one thing I did was donate breast milk to a milk bank that primarily gets the milk to premies. That satisfied me in many ways because it meant milk I had pumped but my daughter wasn’t using was going to good use. I also heard about some families in need in the area and gifted baby items and children’s clothes to them. And recently I collected items for Puerto Rico aid, a drop in the bucket for what they need, but since I could afford to purchase some things now as well as donate a little money, it is good to see how giving back grows. Doing just those little things made me feel useful and made me feel more materially secure in that I had something to give.
In the lack of social contact, when I felt lonely not being at work with other artists, I made an effort. I contacted some friends to see if they’d want to exchange letters, I reached out to some local friends that I saw were also isolated to set up times for coffee dates, and I made plans to see out of town friends, and by taking the steps to initiate, I got out of the doldrums so fast. I also made sure to not take offense when plans fell through or people didn’t want to write because it wasn’t about me or even them but about the connections. And I made a real effort to connect with some of the clients at my new job, which is a big step for me outside my comfort zone. I know we all get into that “nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms” thinking sometimes, and once in there, it is difficult to get out of it. But really, there are so many interesting people in the world, and there is a very good chance someone finds you interesting too. So it is worth making the effort.
So, my challenge to you. Ask yourself where you are most feeling “lack” in your life, and what can you do to relieve that lack for someone else? I really believe by taking the focus off ourselves, we can sometimes do a great deal of good both for ourselves and others simultaneously.