Beginning to Refill My Creative Well

I have begun the work on refilling my creative well, which is the last part of me that really needs healing. Physically and mentally, I’m back to my former self. So yay for that!

Earlier this week, I started a new abstract painting with no plan in mind, just letting myself play with the paint. It will be interesting to see what happens with it. I love doing that, but I also have a really difficult time knowing when I’m done with a painting when it’s not of a particular subject matter.

Musically, I’ve begun playing the piano and singing a lot more. My baby loves to either sit in her little toy chair next to me or right on my lap while I play, so that’s been a huge boon in the process. I found the box that held my personal songs that I’ve been working on and plan on cracking into that today. That same box also held all of my flute music, so I will be bringing that out for the first time since we moved hopefully this weekend. Baby steps. I’ve also begun listening to more music again, mostly jazz and classical around my daughter to foster brain development for her, and I’ve found having it on in the background is helping my brain too.

Writing-wise, I’m still primarily just posting here and little snippets on my personal page (mostly political and social stuff there mixed with personal) and getting back on track with morning pages. I haven’t been able to journal at night with the baby’s schedule, and I am having a difficult time writing fiction. I think playing music is helping me get back in touch with the writing, and I may focus on writing poems and songs and “pieces” for a while before delving back into fiction.

And before I can really develop a plan for where I want to focus my creative energies moving forward, I have to figure out the survival part of things. Which I have definite possibilities that will hopefully be firmed up soon.

In some ways, with everything going on in the world, it seems crazy to be focusing on this stuff, but at the end of everything, it’s the creative spark we all share that will let us evolve as a species.

On Love

As this weekend is Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to do a post about love and what it means. Love is always an appropriate topic to discuss, I think, but it’s rather ironic because my husband and I don’t celebrate the day beyond a cheeky “Happy Hallmark Day!” and doing some fun crafty stuff with our son.

twoheartsweb

When Two Hearts Become One” – Copyright 2015, Kat Micari

That being said, I believe love to be the single greatest transformative emotion we humans have the capacity to experience. It is the key to expanding ourselves beyond our current states, to be constantly evolving. So it isn’t something that should be celebrated when the calendar tells us to but reflected on and thought about daily.

I’m not talking solely about romantic love here. Romantic love is great. Sex is great. Having both together is really great. But we’re caught in yet another trap that is sold to us, that we have to constantly be on the lookout for “the one”, that there are these strict lists of what is necessary to have a glorious “true love” experience. That somehow we must find the one person in the world that completes us as individuals and thus cleave to that person and that’s that. And so, in our desperate search to feel complete, we throw ourselves into sex and romance instead of forming deep bonds with people, but it’s the deep bonds that allow you to most open your heart, and this is where the greatest personal power comes from. Even if you do meet the one that could wholly complete you, your “twin flame” (a phrase that gets misused a lot), if you are not already whole and healed and loving yourself, the relationship winds up becoming a destructive one.

I think we should all love as many people as is in us to love. I don’t mean in a free love kind of way, unless that’s your preference (not mine, I prefer one sexual partner at a time and like to know everyone I’m bringing into bed with me), but true and pure love, whether that be romantic or platonic or familial. Being able to open your heart and to willingly hold a piece of other people’s hearts in your hand safely… that is how you combat the fear in the world, both within and without. And that is powerful.

Let Yourself “Be” pt 2, Let It All Just Flow

A little over a month ago, I did a post about how I’ve learned that I have to just let myself “be“, and that life lesson has really been around me everywhere and has been expanded upon lately, in every part of my life.

I work so hard at everything, and that has gotten me to where I am, but it is time to fully get out of my own way and allow everything to just flow as it is meant to. It is okay to enjoy the process. I can give myself permission to not worry every step of the way because I’ve already laid all the groundwork everywhere in my life. So now I can build up instead of out.

Putting it all into practice is, of course, an entirely different matter, but when I can, it feels so good.

How do you hold yourself back in life? Are there patterns and traps you fall into on a daily basis that you could easily sidestep, if you just let yourself? And, if so, be honest with yourself about why you let that happen and see if you can slowly start to get out of that mode. I think it’s time for us all to stop holding ourselves back.