Eesh… it’s been a while since I’ve written anything here. Over a month. Yet again. I want to be pouring myself out more creatively, and I have been as best I can, but there is just so little time. We’ve also made the decision to keep my son home for at least the remainder of 2020, so I will have remote schooling on top of caring for my daughter, who’s preschool is also postponed until January (maybe). This Covid-19 social distancing has me busier than ever.
Yet I find myself completely content and happy this week, finally. I have been really enjoying the time with the kids. I started focusing on my health, and have been making some progress in controlling inflammation and getting my energy levels back, which I may talk about at a later date. I’ve embarked on a year long spiritual and hopefully magical journey of inner work and met a wide network of very sweet people online in the process, all also working on themselves. I’ve taken it upon myself to do one active activism something a week, which in these crazy times of ours is so important. I’ve continued my education into being an ally. And I continue to create whenever possible and am building into my creative work that actually makes me money. Also, we recently adopted a bunny, and that has been a fun addition but extra time in caring and cleaning out cages. So, I don’t know.
I’m going to make the attempt to use scheduled posts, and try to set some up every week, with progress photos of my current work. I’m going to try to get more poems and songs up. But mostly I’m just trying to stay afloat and find the happiness I can. Do the good in life that I can. And try to be a little bit better every day. Which is all that any of us can really do, right?
This has been a rough couple of weeks. By the end of both weeks of homeschooling, I was feeling drained, anxious for the kids, sad that I won’t be able to see some family before they move from a 1.5 hour drive away to fifteen hours away. My husband’s one job has him out but his part-time job is considered essential business (and oh how I shake my head at cigarettes and beer and lotto being essential) so he is still out and about more than he should because we need the financial security right now. I feel like I am overburdened carrying the emotional weight of my entire family on my shoulders.
So I had to give myself time to grieve. Grieve for the loss of innocence my son will definitely have of all this. Grieve for my family I don’t get to hug goodbye. Grieve for myself and my sense of timing for my online bespoke clothing and costume shop I was finally ready to pull together this spring, because I can’t afford the start up nor does it seem a wise business venture when so many don’t know how they will be paying their rent or mortgage. Grieve for my friends in the entertainment industry who are unemployed and considered expendable by much of the population. Grieve for those dying alone in hospitals and for their families unable to say goodbye.. Grieve for this country and this species and this planet. It’s a lot to process. And it will be ongoing for the duration.
But letting my grief out let me move forward and cut myself some slack, something I always have to do. And I am doing what I can. Getting moving as much as possible. Creating little bits of art. Making masks that I’ve been donating to local medical facilities. I’m dipping my toes back into writing and making music again.
Today, I painted this tree in blossom on a paper plate while my 3yo daughter experimented on some plates of her own. She insisted on adding the black strip on the edge for me.
I still feel some hope for the future. That this will be the wake up call we need as a species. But I also know that so many people are still not ready. Still, these are interesting times to be alive. Sometimes I wish it was a little less interesting.
I am creating this list both to share with all of you and to remind myself in the long days ahead when having everyone at home will start getting overwhelming.
- If you live with others, take this time to truly enjoy the company. I have the feeling that this is a make or break time for a lot of relationships. Keep the communication flowing, let the little things go, and find the humor whenever possible.
- Keep moving. Get fresh air if you are able to, get some kind of exercise routine going for you and your family, if you have one. I like putting music on and dancing like a fool and doing workouts at home anyway. My son’s karate is live streaming his classes and he has P.E. recommendations that I participated in with both kids tonight.
- Get done those organizational or cleaning or yard projects that you have been putting off. Today I realized that light fixtures in the bathroom aren’t actually frosted like I thought… oops.
- Consume media that you wouldn’t normally do. Project Gutenberg is a great resource for free books (though throw them a donation if you can). Try to learn something you’ve never learned before.
- Create as much as you can, in any way as you can. The creative process keeps you happy and healthy.
- Take the time to get to know yourself as you currently are. As you can handle this, of course. There is so much opportunity to really grow through all of this.
- Stay connected to other loved ones as much as possible through phone calls and video chats. Check on people. This is tough when you have kids you are trying to manage through school work and not destroying your home, doubly so if you are trying to work at home on top of it, but even if it’s just a couple people a day, it will make a difference to both you and them.
- Stay connected in your community if you can, and help those that you can as opportunities present itself.
- Do something kind for yourself every day, and do a teeny random act of kindness for each person in your household.
I am a creature of action, and I refuse to allow this time of social distancing to bring me to my knees. I know many people are trying to cocoon themselves, and by all means, do what you must for your well being. But we owe it to ourselves and each other not to succumb to apathy and neglect. Take care of you, take care of your loved ones, and let love win over fear.
Do any of you have big projects you are tackling or tricks to keeping yourself sane in this time? Please share them with me!